I’ve been learning a lot about God lately. Part of what I learned is that my search for love from others has led to a complete dead end. I have never found the love I sought. I have become increasingly aware of the fact that God can only give me the love that completely fulfills.
I’m sure I could trace my desire to feel loved back to my childhood. My story is centered on the separation of my parents. From as long as I can remember, my mother and father were not together. This meant my mother had to work endless hours to care for my brother and I. On the other end, my father (which I found out much later in life) pursued his dreams for life: school, army, etc.
Where did that leave us? Well, we were taken care of physically; yet, there was something missing. Little did I know, I would spend much of my life up until this present day searching for the thing that was deeply missing: love. I searched for it in friends, family, mentor figures….and (oh yes, you’ve guessed it) boys. While a symbolence of true love could be found in these individuals, it always fell short.
This week I had a very startling dream in which I decided to reject the love of someone who dearly loved me. I saw myself fast forward through time and the more I rejected this person, the more they showed me they loved me. Toward the end of the dream, I saw a journal the person kept and the words “still, I love you” were repeated on every page.
While, I certainly don’t claim to be a “dream interpreter”, I know that God speaks to us in so many ways. For me this was the prompting of our Great God to end my search for love and to find it all in Him. While, I expended all my energy looking for others to love me, I was rejecting God’s all encompassing love. Yet, He patiently waited for me…continually whispering, “still, I love you”.
I invite you to join me on my journey in receiving God’s love. No matter what history you may have, Jesus Christ is ready to become your today and tomorrow.
Song of Solomon 2:4 says, “He has brought me to his banquet hall, and His banner over me is love.”
“…Father, if you are willing take this cup from me…” Luke 22:42
Where would we be today if Jesus hadn’t felt like giving himself up to the Roman guards to be crucified? He had the same reaction we probably would, but He knew what He had to do. According to Luke 22:44, He prayed so fervently till the perspiration on his brow were like drops of blood. Pure anguish.
Is there something you need to do today, but just don’t feel like it? The thought of doing it racks everything in you. Perhaps an apology? Maybe showing more respect toward your parents or teachers? Or reaching out to your sister or brother who is also struggling through the pain of this divorce? Our feelings don’t override what God tells us to do. I encourage you to leave your feelings at Jesus’ feet and move toward the task you must do.
“Father, I pray you will take this precious girl who needs your help and infuse the confidence and strength she needs to accomplish the task she doesn’t want to do. Help her understand we’re all powerless without you. In your incredible name I pray, Amen.”
Now, you’re equipped to do anything!
Music for your Ipod: What Faith Can Do by Kutless